Chapter Five: Simius Ex Machina

Sonoro woke up sitting in a chair in a moderate size hall full of monkeys. His feet were braced to the chair by means of some slippery rope that would not let his feet slip off. “Hi,” he said to those gathered in the hall. They all looked the same to him. He hoped that one of them was Gene Simians.

“Do you know where you are, Sonoro Holfrost?”

“No, I do not. Where am I?”

“You are in the Judgment Hall. You are about to be tried for the infraction known as Transgressional Transmigrations, code 2112 of section 13 in the Rule of Vindication handbook, a rule brought into effect by the Actuality of Strings measure passed by the honorable Odious Aggregate in the year 31416 of our lord Tolemius Totempollum. We, as the Simian Circle of Elders will sit in judgment as to whether you, Sonoro Holfrost of Earth, is guilty of the ‘Pulling of Strings’ incident that caused one of your own kind, simply to be referred to as Claudia, to be unstuck in time. Do you understand your position?”

“Yes, yes, I do… I’ve had those words repeated to me many times… wha—“ He looked around as he slowly brought his hands up to his face. “I don’t understand… the meaning of those words.”

“Elders, I must object to this early calling to judgment since I did not have the approved time to prepare myself and my defendant for this trial.” That must be Gene Simians, Sonoro thought to himself.

“Due to unforeseen circumstances, we had to hasten the trial. But, we’ll give you time until the victim is brought forth. So, please proceed in preparing yourself and your defendant until then.”

“Thank you, Elders.” Gene Simians stepped out from behind the long desk and walked around it to Sonoro. “OK. First, you must say that you are a bad guitar player… don’t even say that word here. Second, state that you have never led a horse to water… stop, I can see you trying to say it. Third, if the prosecutor, and she’s a mean one, take my word for it, asks you if you know the effects of synchronous confluence of particles transmitted in wave form, say that you know how to turn on the light. Fourth, always refer to us as simians, not monkeys, from now on, or they will definitely fry you. Fifth, don’t stare at Claudia when she walks in. My sources say that she caused an incident at the Temple. If you don’t stare at her, it might give us the upper hand. And lastly, don’t say THAT word.”

“All right. Who is this Claudia? Oh, yeah, the victim. I’ll try to remember it all.”

“Should I write it down for you?”

“No, no, I have a good memory. I’ll do everything you say. I just want to get out of here.”

“Then, behave yourself.”

 

Claudia watched helplessly as the two monkeys started to cut out the Winnie-the-Pooh pictures on her pajamas. A total of four cut-outs lay on the floor before they started to take her pajamas off. Perverts! She wanted to shout out, but since she was paralyzed, she couldn’t move her mouth. As if her pajamas weren’t enough, they took off her underwear as well.

“What an ugly sight,” said one of the monkeys.

“Ugh,” said the other and shuddered. “No hair, bare skin makes me cringe.”

They nodded to one another then, each grabbed two of the cutouts and approached her. Ugly? I exercise three times a week! What do monkeys know. Forgetting her indignation at being undressed, she was now insulted that they found her ugly. Claudia thought she was pretty fit for a twenty-nine year old. She watched as they draped two Winnie-the-Pooh cut outs over her breasts, one small one over the groin area, and the other small one covering her buttocks.

“OK. Bring the adhesive and the peacock feathers from the cabinet.”

“Of course. I may have been ordained two months ago, but I am not an idiot.”

When the peacock feathers and a small jar of clear liquid was brought to the first monkey, he started spreading the liquid all over her exposed skin, excluding her face. After making sure that all exposed flesh was anointed with the adhesive, both monkeys proceeded to cover her with the peacock feathers.

What the hell? She wished that she could move so she could punch these two monkeys. The sticky liquid felt cold and strange on her skin, and the addition of the peacock feathers made it worse by tickling her. I’m going to kill these two once I’m free.

“Done. Just Dice should be here any minute now.”

“Yes, I hope he comes sooner so he can take this ugly thing away from here. The Temple of Simius Dei is no place for a creature like her.”

They both nodded in agreement and walked out of the room. Claudia was now alone, propped up against one of the walls, thinking of revenge and shaving the two monkeys bald as soon as she was free. The peacock feather made her skin itch, but she couldn’t move to scratch it. A head appeared, looked around the room, then the head turned into a whole simian. “Hello, you must be Claudia, the accuser.”

Claudia didn’t say anything, not because she didn’t want to say anything, but because she couldn’t, of course.

“I am Simia Fatala, the prosecuting attorney for the ‘Pulling of Strings’ incident, of which you are the victim. This is a strange predicament we find ourselves in, don’t you agree?”

If she could have said anything, she would have told this monkey to get lost, or punched it/he/she in the face.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. By the way, I am female so we must stick together. I’ll help you in anyway I can. Those macho simians think they can keep us down, now, do they?” With great stealth, though Claudia didn’t understand the reason for it, Simia went in search of something around the room. She looked in drawers, under desks and chairs. “It must be somewhere around here. Isn’t there a saying that says, ‘the antidote is found in the poison itself’?” Claudia had no idea what she was talking about. “I understand. You’re a mutated simian and not from this place. Of course you wouldn’t have heard of that saying. Uhm, where could it be?” The hairy creature started darting around the room in a frenzy making strange simian sounds. “Ooh, ooh, ahh, ahh. Grrr. Chhk, chhk.” Then, she stopped in front of an armoire and tried the handles. “Locked. The greatest hiding place is right under your nose, not behind a locked armoire. Imbeciles I say,” and she punched the wooden doors. The splinters went flying in all directions, but the simian was untouched. Simia reached inside and pulled out a vial containing a dark liquid. “Poison and antidote, two sides of the same coin.”

Claudia didn’t like the look of the liquid inside the vial, but this monkey was approaching her holding it out as a weapon. If she could have flinched then she would have, except that she couldn’t and that suspicious looking liquid was now trickling down from her hair to her toes. As the simian watched, Claudia regained her senses and movement. She smelled the air, she felt the cold touch of the wall behind her and beneath her feet; she was tasting freedom as she would never had felt it before. “Oh, stop it, would you. We have a trial to get to.”

“Thank you. Now, where can I find some sheers in this awful place?” Simia didn’t understand the question.

 

“Elders, don’t you think that enough time has elapsed and that my client, ipso-facto has to be let go because the accusing party has not presented itself?” Gene looked around at the simians seated in a half circle in front of Sonoro. “Not to mention that even the Judge himself is an absentee. There must have befallen something grave in order for Just Dice to…”

“She’s gone!” cried a simian charging into the room. “She’s gone from the temple! No one knows where she is. All is lost… all is lost.”

“No need to be so dramatic, Just Dice. I’m sure someone will find her. We have capable chronosguards here.”

“All right. Sorry for the outburst,” said Just Dice composing himself. “Now, sorry for the delay, but I was detained by the High Acolyte of Simius Dei regarding the fate of our victim, Claudia. The Preceptrate question the viability of the accuser, seeing as how she cannot control her levity in such grave matters. Therefore, I had to convince them that she is a viable victim and accuser of said infraction…”

“Enough. Enough,” said one of the Elders. “Anyway, it’s all right Just Dice. You are the judge in this matter and we do not question your judgment. Simia Fatala isn’t here yet, so, there is no hurry. We must wait.”

“Thank you, Elders. You are a gracious lot.” Just Dice bowed deeply and sat on a desk in front of the Elders. His eyes caught Sonoro’s eyes and narrowed slightly. Looking to his left, he noticed that Gene Simians was sitting at the other end of the table occupied by the mutated simian.

“Hello Gene, it’s been years. How long has it been?”

“Too long, I say, Judge Just Dice. The last time we met it was the ‘Confluence of Eerie Metaphors’ felony case. Do you remember that one?”

“Oh, how can I forget that? ‘The wind suffusing blows drearily down the crooked lane knowing that someday it would find peace in a calm, un-volatile confine of a shell.’ I say that Icthyolite should have been found guilty.”

“I wholeheartedly agree with you.”

“But it was you who defended it and argued for dismissing the case based on simplicity.”

“Oh, yes, I do remember it, but, nevertheless, furthermore, after careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that you were right.”

“Right.”

Sonoro was confused to a stupor by the chit-chat between the two simians. He had no idea what a confluence was, and the only metaphors he ever understood was slide it in by a heavy metal band that he stopped listening to when he entered college. His hands, Sonoro realized, reflected the pale beige light of the room, and he wondered from where it was emanating. No light fixtures were visible on the ceiling, nor were there anything resembling lamps or other such stuff around the room.

“The light comes from the Chronosplane itself. If you were paying attention when you were brought here, you would have noticed that the entire Chronosplane is lit up by this beige light.”

“I was unconscious when I was brought here… Elder.” He hoped that was the correct way to address the monkeys sitting in a semi-circle.

“Well, then, either way, I have answered your question.”

Silence reigned again in the room. No one spoke for a while. Not a monkey.

 

“So, you’re saying that this entire trial is to pin the blame on some poor innocent soul because the Elders are an incompetent lot?”

“Yes. We still have no evidence to put the blame on Sonoro, but the Elders need to resolve this case soon or they will be in trouble. The people will not stand for a violation of this magnitude and no one found guilty.”

Claudia put her index finger under her nose. “Then, you can’t really prosecute correctly.”

“Of course not. I can only accuse based on indirect evidence that I have not seen. And while we’re in trial, the real culprit might get away.”

“So, what do you propose we do?”

“Stall the trial. I’ll have to come up with something. Anyway, we need to get to the courtroom. Let’s get going.”

The two walked in silence on a path that didn’t seem familiar to Claudia. Then, again, this entire place was strange to her. She wondered what Charley was doing at the moment, but remembered that this Chronosplane was time, so she could be anywhere in time. On the side of the road, she noticed a shining object. Stooping down to get a closer look, she realized that it was a piece of string.

“Look, a piece of string.” Claudia put it in the palm of her hand and showed it to Simia.

“Yes, we get a lot of those things falling around here. Pretty thing, isn’t it?”

“It shines. Is it radioactive?”

“No. Our theoretical physicists are working to figure out what they are.”

“Is this thing part of the ‘Pulling of Strings’ incident?”

“No, oh no. I’ll have to show you those strings later. They are beautiful things that stretch across the entire Universe. There are some strings that are thicker than others. Our scientists call those the superstrings. They believe that the entire Universe is held together by them. Matter coalesces around them as they vibrate and give off this lovely sound. But, the problem is that when one pulls on those strings, the vibration shifts making the matter loosen around it. That’s how you got unstuck in time.”

“Oh,” Claudia’s eyes were round like marbles. “So, someone could have touched one that was running through our dimension forcing me off it.”

“In a sense you have it right. It’s more complicated though. But, you got the picture.”